#CBR6 Review #100: The Death Cure

Think of the cheapest-tasting candy you have ever eaten. It will differ for all of us, but for me, it’s Tootsie Rolls. They’re not bad, per se, but they’re just not great as far as candy is concerned. Think about it: when you’re cruising the candy aisles at Target, there are great bags of Reese’s or Hershey candies or even Wonka Candy varieties for $9, but the Tootsie Roll bag is always $3 or $4, and there’s a ton there, because no one wants to buy them and eat them over the next year.

But let’s say you get curious, because the last time you had a Tootsie Roll, it wasn’t that bad. You remember it tasting kind of good, in fact. And so, you take the plunge and pop a Tootsie Roll into your mouth. It tastes sweet at first, and it’s kind of fun to roll around in your mouth.

But after about 5 minutes, you really wish the candy would get right to it and melt, so you can enjoy something else. Your mouth is getting bored. Your teeth are getting stuck to the candy, and you can’t eat anything else. By now, you are just DYING to get this stupid Tootsie Roll out of your mouth, but you can’t even spit it out, because you’re committed, dammit. You don’t quit three-quarters of the way through!

But the candy is still in your mouth, and it just won’t be done. By the time it FINALLY melts into nothing on your tongue, you are so relieved to be done that you can’t even begin to think of another Tootsie Roll. Your hatred has been worn down to something even worse: indifference. This one-star candy gets an upgrade, because your indifference won’t even let you hate it properly.

And that is how I feel about The Death Cure. Nothing else needs to be said.


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